Well, I suppose it's time for some public disclosure. You kindly refer to me as the beta-reader, but we both know my initial feedback on this wasn't particularly useful (if flattering). It was a lot of babbling, drooling and whimpering, basically.:P So I'll try to be a bit more coherent now...
I love the idea of Louis treating their amorous playtime as a "science experiment". I feel like it's something he would do, and Lestat would happily go along with it, thrilled pink that Louis wants to play.;P
You are so very skillful with language. I love your phrasing, your careful word choices, the pleasing contrast between long, flowing sentences and short, emphatic ones. Skillful description in erotica is one of the biggest turn-ons for me, and you keep getting better at it. It's dangerous, I tell you.;D
My favorite examples:
I'm nuzzling through the dark silk of his hair, against his cheek, taking in a deep breath of his scent. Meeting with no opposition, I undulate my naked hips for more height – a move I know he's susceptible to, especially when I am naked – licking his ear, piercing it, pulling it into my mouth to savor his blood on my tongue. Just the way he likes.
This whole passage is just... incredibly hot. Gentle sensuality and closeness underscored with a clear promise of MORE. Louis starts melting... and so do I.
I run a hand through his hair, clawing gently at his skin, weaving my fingers deeply and tugging down a little to tip his head back. I scrape right under his jawline with my tongue, hard and slowly. A few more licks like that will draw blood.
Again, he is slow and gentle, but so possessive. The anticipation of Louis' surrender becomes nearly unbearable...
I press my body against his, sliding down to gnaw at the wingspan of his clavicle, but it's my hand clawing at his throat that keeps him in thrall.
The wingspan of his clavicle. This is poetry, girl. Quite possibly the sexiest poetry ever.;)
my heart picking up speed as he completely surrenders, tilting his head back in divine offering
And this is it. You've killed me now. This is the perpetual mental orgasm of good fanfictions (I saw the female masturbation diagrams you reblogged on Tumblr! how accurate, and how very timely!!... LOL). Just replaying this moment in my mind ad infinitum...
Also, I love how the humor doesn't ruin the sexy mood, but somehow adds to it. Louis' eyes lighting up in anger when he finds the crackers; Lestat using the moment to turn the tables on him, because obviously Louis' flashing eyes are a major turn-on and he can't stop himself... Lestat's possessiveness. Louis' adorable stammering as he struggles to keep his cool. Just... all of it. Sweetness, playfulness, love, heat, perfection. Shall I go on?...;)
You keep that up, woman, and I just might need reanimation one day. Or an emergency transfusion. So, be prepared to send SOMEONE to the rescue.:P
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here comes your OFFICIAL feedback, yo
Date: 2014-03-02 03:20 am (UTC)I love the idea of Louis treating their amorous playtime as a "science experiment". I feel like it's something he would do, and Lestat would happily go along with it, thrilled pink that Louis wants to play.;P
You are so very skillful with language. I love your phrasing, your careful word choices, the pleasing contrast between long, flowing sentences and short, emphatic ones. Skillful description in erotica is one of the biggest turn-ons for me, and you keep getting better at it. It's dangerous, I tell you.;D
My favorite examples:
I'm nuzzling through the dark silk of his hair, against his cheek, taking in a deep breath of his scent. Meeting with no opposition, I undulate my naked hips for more height – a move I know he's susceptible to, especially when I am naked – licking his ear, piercing it, pulling it into my mouth to savor his blood on my tongue. Just the way he likes.
This whole passage is just... incredibly hot. Gentle sensuality and closeness underscored with a clear promise of MORE. Louis starts melting... and so do I.
I run a hand through his hair, clawing gently at his skin, weaving my fingers deeply and tugging down a little to tip his head back. I scrape right under his jawline with my tongue, hard and slowly. A few more licks like that will draw blood.
Again, he is slow and gentle, but so possessive. The anticipation of Louis' surrender becomes nearly unbearable...
I press my body against his, sliding down to gnaw at the wingspan of his clavicle, but it's my hand clawing at his throat that keeps him in thrall.
The wingspan of his clavicle. This is poetry, girl. Quite possibly the sexiest poetry ever.;)
my heart picking up speed as he completely surrenders, tilting his head back in divine offering
And this is it. You've killed me now. This is the perpetual mental orgasm of good fanfictions (I saw the female masturbation diagrams you reblogged on Tumblr! how accurate, and how very timely!!... LOL). Just replaying this moment in my mind ad infinitum...
Also, I love how the humor doesn't ruin the sexy mood, but somehow adds to it. Louis' eyes lighting up in anger when he finds the crackers; Lestat using the moment to turn the tables on him, because obviously Louis' flashing eyes are a major turn-on and he can't stop himself... Lestat's possessiveness. Louis' adorable stammering as he struggles to keep his cool. Just... all of it. Sweetness, playfulness, love, heat, perfection. Shall I go on?...;)
You keep that up, woman, and I just might need reanimation one day. Or an emergency transfusion. So, be prepared to send SOMEONE to the rescue.:P
Just saying.